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[Tue Sep 22nd, 2009 7:56pm ] |
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how long am i going to let this go on?
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[Tue Aug 4th, 2009 2:56pm ] |
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i want to be happy like i used to be. i just went through and read a lot of my entries and i cant even remember those times anymore. I dont have a job, i am starting school soon but i still dont know what i want to do with my life. im so wrapped up in staying home and taking care of my mom with my aunt that i feel like this is all i have. its so hard to watch her forget more and more everyday. i was talking to my cousin and i told her the bad days and bad...but the good days are what i live for. its like old times when everything was good. It took this to happen for me to really appreciate growing up here and realize it was tough but we did have a lot of fun. i need to get unstuck, ive been stuck this past year maybe year and a half. one thing happened and it brought everything to rock bottom and i still havent brought myself back up yet, well not fully. im trying i really am. i just need something to push me i think, to motivate me. what that will be im not sure but i'll know it when i see it. ok im done. maybe i'll keep posting like i used to.
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[Mon Jan 12th, 2009 11:00am ] |
its my birthday.
and im miserable
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[Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 9:04pm ] |
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i submitted my resume to a merchandising company. i hope something comes back soon.
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[Sun Mar 9th, 2008 11:42pm ] |
i hope you think im sad over you
because im not
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[Thu Nov 15th, 2007 3:04pm ] |
long time no talk livejournal.
my mom isnt doing too good. shes on the highest level of kidney failure. she lost alot of weight. im scared. she did gain back a couple pounds though. its sad how exciting that gets. i dont think i really realize how bad it is. i dont want to know, i think it would ruin me even more that i already am right now. in other news blake is on my permanent shit list. he hurt me pretty bad. i dont think he even knows what he did or just doesnt care, yea thats probly it. i was surprised how much it actually hurt. i had forgotten anyone could hurt me. ive been the heartbreaker this year, not the heartbreakee. as far as the heartbreaker goes a friend told me he liked me so i took him home and went and messed around with someone else. ridiculous isnt it? i dont know what im doing anymore, i think im destined to never find anything steady. not because of anyone else but because of me. at least im not like the girls thats blames it on the men in her life. i blame it all on myself.
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3 daisies picked | Pick a daisy
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[Sun Nov 4th, 2007 1:37am ] |
i had a date last night
he showed up drunk
and slept during half the movie
what the fuck.
..next
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5 daisies picked | Pick a daisy
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[Sun Oct 14th, 2007 1:40pm ] |
i was so fucking pissed at him last night.
then i found out my uncle died this morning
now he just doesn't seem to matter
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[Sun Sep 23rd, 2007 11:06am ] |
why does everyone feel the need to confide in me? dont get me wrong. some of the people that have been lately i encourage. i dont mind in the least because they are my friends and thats what friends do but it seems like everyone is doing it lately. i dont know what exactly makes me easy to talk to but i do try to help when i can. people i havent talked to in weeks, months, hell even years have been coming out of the woodwork and crying on my shoulder. They confide in me like we have been friends for years and the truth is i wouldnt trust any of them with whats going on with me. i have exactly 2 people that i would tell anything and everything to, others i tell part of the story to. if you ask me directly yes i will tell you but other than that im not going to bring it up. so where does that line of comfort come from? apparently its different for everyone especially everyone that has been spilling their guts to me and probably to everyone else. i have no idea what my question here is. in a way it's "why talk to me" in another way its "why cant i open up like that?" we all have our secrets, some of which dont stay secrets for long. i guess just know i'll keep it a secret until you decide otherwise.
e
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1 daisies picked | Pick a daisy
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[Wed Apr 25th, 2007 7:01am ] |
im tired.
6 hours pof sleep used to be plenty.
i could run off 3 or 4 and did for months.
i guess i just had something to look forward to and worth staying out late for then.
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[Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 12:22pm ] |
its been a while for me and livejournal. probably because when i write here i start to think to much, how much i hate this town and how much ive messed things up, how things could be. this is the first weekend in months that i havent been drunk off my ass. first full week i havent drank. maybe thats why im broke? i dont know. anyway speaking of broke im getting my tattoos next month. couple weeks actually. im excited.
im using this to avoid an essay. i need to get back to reality.
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[Tue Feb 27th, 2007 9:09pm ] |
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today would have been my dad's birthday :/
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[Tue Feb 27th, 2007 12:03pm ] |
well this semester has been so much better than last. i particially think its because i spent so much of my time with someone last semester and didnt find myself sleeping as much as i should have or at odd times. i actually go to class and ive become a bit more social. i suppose thats good. depending on how you look at it. i want things from both times but that would just be too ideal i suppose. to actually have what you want. ha.
work has been going well i guess. managers gone and new mangagers coming in. we'll see how that goes. its a nice feeling when a customer askes for me over my manager though. since i basically cant stand him. he makes a mess of something and guess who has to clean it? me or one of the other girls, i dont get paid for management desicions so you would think i dont have to make them. yea right.
ive decided i miss old times. when i was young and i didnt understand anything. i know im young now i just mean like 10 years ago. when my biggest worry was what i was going to do after school. those were the days. no heartbreak, no drama, no responsibility, no bullshit. yea those were the days but its all over and its not coming back. i guess i just have to deal with that.
i want to move out. i need to move out. for my sanity i need to move out. im tired of fighting and arguing. its all pointless it wont make anyone feel better and yet we still do it. i left for 4 days and i didnt get upset once. i came back and 10 minutes of me walking in the door we were fighting again. its gotten to a ridiculous point but i know i cant go anywhere. i know i cant and it feels like im being deprived of my own life. i think the guilt would kill me if i did leave. if i left i would never come back. im pretty certain of that. i have nothing else to say. im out.
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[Tue Jan 9th, 2007 4:35pm ] |
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well another year is over. long gone and in the past. its amazing to think of how many things you did or didnt go in the span of one year. i change a lot every year and i think this last year was as significant as the others. i got really close to a couple people i would have never imagined but it seems that now with the new year its all going away. its ok though maybe something better is on its way for me. i certainly hope so. i hate the transition period. i want it all here now. i learned to trust a lot this year. that not every person is out to get me. although some still are so you have to be careful. im still as sarcastic as ever but im not as easy to judge. i dont get as mad as easily, i just let it all go. whats the fun in living every day pissed off at the world? live and let live. even if they are going to be a bitch about it. i spent a couple of months last year just pissed the fuck off. it isnt worth it, especially when you keep it all inside hope that it will just go away. it doesnt. ive had pretty much every single emotion run through me this year and i cant wait to do it all again. here's to a brand new year.
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[Mon Dec 4th, 2006 10:03pm ] |
i spent about $350 on my family for christmas
i could have spent it all on my tattoos
but it feels nice anyway
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1 daisies picked | Pick a daisy
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[Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 6:54am ] |
i never write here much anymore its most likely due to the fact thats i just have nothing to say. i come check it though, every couple days i hope that someones life is more interesting than mine. they usually are. ive been hiding out for the most part. i cant sleep until around 2. i wake up at 5 for class. i come home take a nap and then go to work. rinse. repeat. you know the deal. ive found its a good way to avoid human interaction. i think im going to stick with it for a while. at least another month.
Happy Thanksgiving by the way
dont fight with the family too much mmkay?
i get to work until 3am.
im so excited.... right. excited. thats it.
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[Thu Sep 28th, 2006 6:05pm ] |
my day consisted of:
class.
came home took a nap.
watched wedding crashers.
all alone
and i am completely content.
<3
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